What a transformation!
If you have been here before then you will have noticed there have been lots of changes this week… and honestly the changes are not just here - they are in everything I am doing and being. I have been going through an internal transformation on account of the power of coaching - working by myself, and also with other coaches.
As I go deeper on my spiritual journey I find myself changing in other seemingly unrelated ways… I am finding myself moving away from synthetic materials, and ‘trendy’ clothes… I had already been consciously moving away from fast fashion from an environmental point of view but it is something more… I want to be surrounded in natural fabrics, and even natural colours…
Similarly a friend of mine has recently become a Reiki healer and he was telling me that often, as people become more and more devoted to Reiki, they lose interest in eating animal products. While again, I have adopted a vegetarian diet since January because I can no longer allow animals to be treated so poorly, and the environmental impact I am finding recently that my body is not happy after eating dairy. (And honestly I think I will miss cheese more than steak - although I praise the Universe for nutritional yeast daily)!
I have also decided to abandon my blonde ambition - and although enduring months of roots with lockdown could be a factor - I think it is actually more reflective of my desire to return to myself. In some respects I have spent the last few years trying to be someone other than myself. I think throwing myself into the work of coaching, after a year of burnout and mental overload, I suddenly felt inadequate in a large group of wonderful, gorgeous women who all seemed to be younger, with their lives more together than I felt I did. I was crippled by my perfectionism and spent a whole 12 months procrastinating on the coursework before I actually started doing it… I went blonde, I dedicated myself to being the perfect girlfriend, the perfect step-mom, the perfect friend, I allowed myself to feel completely overwhelmed with buying a house and things that were outside of my control, I was attaching myself to anyone and everyone - buying courses (not doing them), and waiting for something to click or to feel like me. I bought clothes based on people I saw wearing them in some weird hope of becoming them… feeling that they were so much more beautiful than me, enjoying their lives on a better level than me & exuding a confidence I was hoping would somehow be transferred to me when I wore the same dress or jumper…
One of the most destructive behaviours I had employed was eating my feelings, resulting in being probably the most heavy I have ever been on my wedding day - and while I am so happy to be married to my wonderful partner - it definitely wasn’t the most beautiful I have ever felt… despite the beautiful makeup and hair!
To some extent despite being recovered from the burnout - I was still adrift, lost and approaching a different kind of rock bottom.
So what has happened now… well I have felt the change internally these past few months. And in a weird way I think actually getting married has allowed me to relax a bit (although this could just be the fact that it was one less thing for me to worry about once it was over), but the coaching has also been taking effect. The numerous women encouraging me to take a moment, and to recognise my own feelings, my own desires who owns her pleasure, her power. And the work is paying off. I am becoming more of myself each and every day…
Have done round 1 of decluttering my wardrobe - getting rid of the clothes that are not me!
Booked hair appointment for next week - have been keeping my hair long and blonde out of some random notion that this was prettier, better, maybe even more feminine when inside I have been super sick of my roots, and genuinely feeling like my hair is weighing me down!
Have booked in to get me nose pierced - something I have always wanted to do but felt like it wasn’t something I ‘should’ do. Good girls don’t have their noses pierced.
Have started back with the gym - I feel like when I am taking care of myself physically it has a knock on effect on the rest of my self care routine! and vice versa… when I am not making time for myself, I start to look after myself less, and all self care routines start to fade into the background…
Have started to engage more with women around me - joining a group of other female coaches where we support and motivate each other, and offer love and guidance when anyone has issues. Becoming a coach has been a lonely road - having no one to share it with, and am so glad I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to open myself up to these new connections.
And I have gone back to the drawing board with my coaching program… I just wasn’t loving what I was putting together… and I want to offer something truly incredible and unique, that lights up both my soul and the soul of my client when I put it out to the universe!
For sure it is true that when you do the work and start to transform one area of your life, then other areas of your life start to follow suit. This is how leveling up works…