Best day of my life?
Even now, in 2021, people still refer to the weddings as being the best day of a woman’s life. I mean - WTF! Why is no one selling men the idea that getting married is going to be the best day of their life… I hate even the idea that my wedding is going to be the best day of my life… I mean - the best day of my life at 35? Is it just all down hill after this?!
Couples seem to have enough pressure on themselves to create or curate a day that is ‘perfect’ in every way - that is classy, but fun, and fun for each and every one of your guests - young/old/family/ friends... What a mine field…! What is funny about it is I cannot think of any other event that looks to cater for so many different people simultaneously! And no matter how hard you try it is impossible to have a perfect day in that sense! I mean the reason you are having the day at all should be why it is perfect - you have found the person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with! Wow - and that is worth celebrating! But try not to get caught up in the pressure cooker that is trying to create the ‘best day of your life.’
I am planning to get married in June 2021 - or that is the current plan! I got engaged last year and I cannot wait to be married to my partner! He is my best friend and we have the most fun together. We are currently planning for 2 eventualities - that we are allowed 6 guests, or that we can have 25 guests and we have capped our guest list there. I know for a lot of people that might seem so small but for us we are looking at it as a chance to only invite the people we really really want there. It means I will not be able to have a lot of my family there - which is very sad (I have plenty of aunts and uncles who I am very close to and would love to have at my wedding but I could not invite them all and stay within the 25 limit) and I am lucky that they are all so understanding. The same can be said for friends - while many of them would love to be there - it is just not feasible with a limit of 25 (which is really only 12 guests each).
I am trying to see this as a positive - well I mostly see it as a positive to be honest. We are going to be able to have a much less expensive wedding - originally we were hoping to have a wedding size of around 50 (so still small) but this has allowed us to cut back further. Each to their own, but to me spending €20000 on one day is complete madness - and really not in line with my values. Also for me, this is only evidence that the couple has bought into the myth that this has to be a perfect day, and that a big expensive dress, hotel and entertainment is what is important! And think about it - does a €5000 wedding dress mean a relationship is stronger than a €70 wedding dress? Although I have to be honest and say I have save all last year to buy a pair of blue Manolo Blahniks for my wedding. I figure I will wear those more than I would wear a wedding dress again! I am a self diagnosed shoe-aholic and these are the most expensive shoes I will ever buy/own!
One article I read on the subject (Huffpost article) suggested that instead of thinking of this as the best day of your life, to think of it as the “best is yet to come.” And I like this idea! Perhaps it will be the best day of your life so far as you are celebrating your relationship with your partner, but the more stress you add to it, the less the day becomes about you as a couple and the more it becomes about the ‘show.’
I think for me, I got burnt with organizing events in the past. I organized a surprise 30th for a (now ex) boyfriend and I organised birthday parties for myself and it is a nightmare! People are so difficult - everybody wants to do their own thing! And people cannot be counted on to keep surprise parties secret!
For one of those events I organised some transport - and all day long people were calling and texting me - could the bus pick them up from somewhere other than their house, and could another friend also get a lift to town with us, could we actually delay the bus for 30 mins as they wanted to watch the end of a match, no, ok they would try to organise their own transport, ok so now 2 other people were also going to go with them but could they get the bus back… I mean it was a logistical nightmare! I remember getting on the bus myself and crying for about 5 mins with the stress of having to sort all that out all day… I can only imagine how much worse it is for a wedding. All I wanted to have was a bit of a pub crawl in a different city! I cannot imagine how much more of a pain it would have been to organise them for food and drinks, and a ceremony…
And originally, before the memory came back to me, I thought of doing something similar for my wedding. I thought it could be so cool - have the ceremony in the city, and then stop at different bars (in nice photographic areas) on the way back, and then have our wedding dinner in one of our favourite local restaurants… It sounded amazing, but everyone would be travelling from all over Ireland and abroad, were they going to leave their cars in the city? Or travel to us, and then we would organise a bus to the city as well… honestly I am getting heart palpitations just thinking about it… best day of my life!!
So now we have decided on a very simple ceremony in a beautiful local hotel - Dunmore House Hotel. The hotel prides itself on proper food produce which is something that is super important to both of us - they grow their own vegetables and I am hoping will be able to give me some great veggie options! (see my previous blog article on my veggie journey). The location is also absolutely beautiful and if the weather is good, we will hopefully be able to get married outside.
This post has really turned into a rant! To be honest, even trying to plan an easy wedding is stressful in the current situation! I am looking forward to being married - and I am determined to enjoy my wedding day without feeling under pressure to create a perfect day for either me, my partner or our friends and family. No such thing as a perfect day - there will be hiccoughs but nothing that will stop it being an amazing day, giving us amazing memories.
Let me know your thoughts - what did/ would you do for your wedding? Anything you would do differently? Or anything you thought was perfect? Love to hear your ideas!
Until next week, stay home,
Sho xxx